A donation solicitation

Dear Patience,

My child's personality has changed quite suddenly. Supposedly, around their half-birthdays, kiddos are typically quite comfy in their own skin, and their skills match their abilities and desires; this is called equilibrium. Then around their birthdays, they go into a state of chaos because they can't or aren't allowed to do all the things they wish they could; this is called disequilibrium. As of approximately four days ago, Beaker is, I believe, in a state of severe disequilibrium, and as a result, so are his parents.

He's almost two. He's screaming and throwing fits and completely ignoring our attempts to chastise him. In short, he is exceedingly happy when he gets his way, but his way often involves putting himself in dangerous situations (there's lots of climbing happening around here), so he sometimes doesn't get his way, and this makes him exceedingly unhappy.

As the current Meanest Mommy on the Planet titleholder, I'm gonna' need you to send some reinforcements. We need more of you at our house. I'm known for having you in somewhat short supply as it is, but even my Hub, who is generally The Most Patient Man on the Planet, is struggling to hold his temper on the really rough days, so it's time to stockpile however much of you can be spared in preparation for the long six months or so that lie ahead. Let me also remind you that there will be a NEWBORN in our house in less than three months, so you can trust that our need is truly urgent and we'll be using every last available morsel of whatever you choose to donate. Please don't delay in sending everything you've got. Since you may very well be the Obi-Wan Kenobi of virtues, I'll leave you with this plea: Help me, Patience. You're my only hope.

With many thanks in advance,
One Mom